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What will single-parent children learn from life?

1/25/2015

10 Comments

 
UK government accounts show billions of pounds, owed in child maintenance, may never be recovered. The absent parents have been referred to the Child Support Agency.

How sad for the lone parent who must raise a child after their partner abandons them. I remember my childhood after my father left my mother.

More than a million single parents are owed money the CSA ruled they were entitled to. Some have been waiting years.

But the department has been dogged with problems. Computer systems failed, mistakes were made with assessments, and absent parents were not tracked down.

Although some debts are virtually noncollectable, the government said it was prioritizing cases where a child was still being brought up. They are not writing off or ignoring the old debt.

Good luck to the trackers.

PictureMy mother at 18 years
In my own case, my father fell for a richer woman and he saw a chance to climb higher on the social ladder. The charming, well-spoken and intelligent man made his choice. At the time, I must have been seven and my sister would have been three.

Back in the 40s, a woman was shunned without a husband to support her. I remember her crying a lot, and also, after my father called in for some private time with her, she'd cry some more.

Later, she sent my sister and I to a child hostel and disappeared for a while. When we saw her again, it seemed like years later but must have been a few months. With her was my youngest sister. Bad goings on there. And he didn't give my mother the money she needed to feed us and pay the rent. Who would support us?

Handy with the sewing machine, she made clothes for friends, one of them a young starlet who played the young female second lead in South Pacific. As we grew older, Mother worked as a dental assistant part-time so she could be home for us after school.


PictureMy sister & I dressing up
After years of non-maintenance My father often took my two sisters and I to visit the house where he lived with his mother-in-law for the weekend. He'd arrive wearing a handmade silk shirt and a tailored suit and whisk us off in a car to the better part of Melbourne, Australia. I guess he thought he was doing his part.

By then, I was ten years, my sisters were six and three. I enjoyed our visits more than my sisters. After a while, my youngest sister refused to leave our mother.

I can't imagine her struggle to keep us fed, warm and secure. The young mothers of today must feel the same way, although I can't help thinking they might have better support. I learned afterward that my mother considered suicide before she gave birth to our sister. However, she was lucky to contact a kind woman who took her in with other mothers-to-be and saw them through their ordeal.

A ray of kindness shone in the darkness threatening to overwhelm my beautiful, vulnerable yet strong mother.

Despite what happened, I loved and respected both my parents. Every experience teaches us something. I learned self-reliance, and that I could do well without the benefit of a good background.

My hope is that the uncounted millions of children, raised without one parent, will learn to be good and kind.


10 Comments
Lisa Mallis link
1/24/2015 08:23:33 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I agree - every experience of our lives teaches us something, if we are but aware and open to the learning.

The Jobs and Family Services office where I live has won numerous awards for tracking down parents that have not paid their child support and then garnishing wages so the money gets to the kids. It is not like that everywhere in the US - but locally.

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Lianne Soller link
1/24/2015 09:35:16 pm

Wow, you are an incredible writer. Thank you for opening up to us about your experience. Two of my best friends growing up were without a father since the age of two, and he went off a remarried, had 3 more kids, and left them too. No child support for either mother. Years later he is trying to make up for being absent all of those years, but it will never be the same. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish all families could receive the support they so desperately need.

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Mary Burris link
1/24/2015 09:58:43 pm

touching story. Raising children alone is not easy.

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Michelle Liew link
1/25/2015 12:09:13 am

Thanks for sharing this difficult part of your life. I think you'd have learned a skill we all need but fail to see as important...resilience!

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Ina link
1/25/2015 02:12:26 am

Hi Francene, You have shared a very private part of your life with your readers, thank you for that. Every one of us has a past and a tale to tell but most of us shy away. There is so much to learn from your story. While I feel for the 9 year old, must have been a confusing time. But I am amazed by the strong woman who has written this line, "Despite what happened, I loved and respected both my parents." - Your mom has really done a great job.

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Alana link
1/25/2015 02:57:53 am

You have had an incredible life, Francene. But this difficult childhood helped to make the person you are. Your mother sounded like an incredible person. I'm just curious about exactly what a "child hostel" was. Was it like what we in the States call an orphanage? Thank you again for sharing.

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Amy Bovaird link
1/25/2015 02:52:48 pm

Oh my goodness, Francene! I LOVE your photographs, and the slant of your story. I do think it must have been terribly difficult for your mum and she went through so much. But she was resourceful and I like how she chose something that would enable her to be home for you after school. In spite of the hardships, I think you children must have brought her the incentive not to give up, and great joy, if your dress-up game is any indication of getting through the time. :) Bless you!
Amy

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Kristen from The Road to Domestication link
1/25/2015 09:18:38 pm

Wow, that is such a sad yet inspiring story! I would have enjoyed knowing your mom, I think. Many moms here in the US are having the same kind of struggles - I try to do as much to help the single moms I know as possible!

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Joan Harrington link
1/26/2015 05:15:58 am

Hi Francene,

Thanks for sharing your story and this inspirational post! Great post!

Reply
karissa link
1/26/2015 10:51:42 am

What a touching post, thanks for sharing your story.

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    Francene Stanley
    From England, I use news items in my novels which you can see below, all linked to an Amazon near you.

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