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Release your guilt, mothers of the world.

3/30/2015

7 Comments

 
Some research makes you doubt your own judgment. The latest study on parental roles with their children makes me want to scream, “Rubbish.”

Apparently, time spent with your young children doesn't matter.

But for teenagers, six hours a week of family time could keep them stable.

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This calls into doubt everything we've been led to believe. Mother's, particularly, have been held up as the glue that binds the child's behavior.

Let's look at the results from researchers at the University of Toronto, and Bowling Green State University in Ohio, which tracked 1,600 children above the age of three. The measurement was taken from the actual time spent together, engaged in conversation or not.

The quantity of time parents spent with children aged between three and 11 had no influence on their later academic achievement, behavior and emotional well-being. Not did the hours the mother worked outside the home.

But the research found the total amount of time adolescents spent with their mothers and fathers did have an impact. Just six hours a week made a significant difference to their well-being and achievement, giving lower rates of delinquent behaviour, with less drug and alcohol abuse, and higher academic grades.

A sociologist at the University of Toronto claims that six hours a week, just 50 minutes a day, sharing the same space made a crucial difference. I guess this doesn't mean the teenager can be closed off in their room and the mother in the kitchen.

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However, the stress level of the mother produced the greatest impact. Guilt about not being with the children makes matters worse. The terrific burden of juggling work with family results in the mother's anxiety which affects the children poorly.

Let's not discount parent's importance altogether. Plenty of studies have linked quality parent time, such as reading to a child, sharing meals, talking with them or playing games, with positive outcomes for kids. The same is true for parents’ caring and sensitivity toward their children. It’s just that the measure of time doesn’t appear to matter.

Maybe there's nothing special about a mother-child bond after all.

Everything I used to believe has been destroyed by this study. I spent all my time with my children until they left home. I gave my love, care, support, attention, and set a good example. Maybe they saw beneath my calm exterior to the unfulfilled woman inside.

Children are not as naïve as we first assume. They must be able to judge emotions below the surface. The best thing to come from this research is the knowledge that working away from home is acceptable. Release your guilt, mothers of the world.


7 Comments
Dorit Sasson link
3/29/2015 08:54:33 pm

I loved this post. I am parenting an 18 month old and a ten year old. I give hem everything I've got. When I'm with them, I try to be with them, but it isn't always easy. Leaving for work is incredibly important for my self-esteem and productivity.

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Carol Cassara link
3/29/2015 10:46:26 pm

Common sense is always the best guide--some of these studies make me crazy, too.

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bellybytes link
3/29/2015 11:49:16 pm

I too was a stay at home mom since my mom worked and I don't think it makes any difference to the children. On the contrary, I think a fulfilled mother (one who has a career apart from MOM) is a better mother because she doesn't have to deal with any personal angst.

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Anamika Agnihotri link
3/30/2015 12:14:16 am

I do not believe in such research studies because in a couple of years scientists would come up with an altogether different theory. My mother was always around us working each moment of her day for her family. But, I could always sense her dissatisfaction with her own life. I have decided to be a Stay-at-home mom to my 4 year old son and am not sure how my life as an individual is going to shape up. At the moment, blogging is the thing I do for myself.

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K.Lee Banks link
3/30/2015 02:41:24 am

Yeah, I call "rubbish" on this study, too. I believe the mother-child and father-child bonds are extremely important to a child's development, regardless of this study's findings. That's based on my own experience, and observing numerous other families

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Ajay Pai link
3/30/2015 03:15:15 am

I do not know about the studies and cases by the so called intellegent researchers.

For me my son is above all. My wifey and I enjoy each and every moment together with him. On several occassions I feel gushing in of emotions which I channelize and jot down on my blog. Looks like he is my world. Guiding and hand holding the kids and making them understand what is wrong and what is good should be what the parents should be doing is what i personally feel.

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Joan Harrington link
3/30/2015 04:08:51 am

Fantastic post Francene! As a mother, I can totally relate to this post! Guilt-plaqued mothers are the worst! I know because I was one lol

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    Francene Stanley
    From England, I use news items in my novels which you can see below, all linked to an Amazon near you.

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